Most times when we talk about red flags, we tend to keep it in a circular form around romantic relationships.
So, let’s talk about red flags in friendships.
When exactly should you cut a friendship tie? What are the signs you shouldn’t ignore?
When do you know you’re not wanted in a circle?
Have you ever been in a friendship situationship?
How did you pull through?
Most people experienced their first ever heartbreak during childhood when their mum told them “go and put on your slippers, I’ll wait for you” but end up being left behind. Well, mine was with a friend. And yeah, friendship heartbreak is real and even sometimes hurts more than relationship heartbreak.
It happened when my English teacher told us to write a letter to our best friend in primary school. My supposed best friend, Lee (not the actual name) wrote someone else’s name and the someone else wrote another person’s name. A delicious and interesting breakfast that went round, right? Yeah but unfortunately, I was still pained. Of course I removed the “best” in front of “friend” for Lee but we remained friends.
Due to different secondary school choice and me being in the hostel, Lee and I caught up just once in a while.
After secondary school, Lee and I gained admission into the same university but I couldn’t accept because I didn’t like my course. I told Lee I’d have to wait till the following year but noticed a change in her attitude afterwards. Lee became withdrawn, started giving attitude and would walk front of my house multiple times without bothering to say hello. That was when I realized it’s a friendship that should have been dumped in the trashcan a long time ago.
Years later, someone on bike called my name. You guessed right! It was Lee. I waved back but right there, I was staring at a complete stranger.
Sometimes, it’s the little signs we tag “it’s not that deep”. Maybe if I had taken the first scenario serious, it wouldn’t have happened that way years later.
And since then, I see friendship as a bird in hand – not to be held too tight to avoid suffocation, to be freed if it wants to fly, and never to bother about it returning or not because it sure will if I’m its safe space.
Fake friends are more poisonous than real enemies. I try as much as possible to avoid intimacy between lot of people because of the harm it might cause. Imagine someone you call a friend that’s not genuinely happy at your success, that thinks it should have been them.
Those ones that are not always genuinely happy for your success? I tag that behaviour “witchcraft”. No be only to dae fly for midnight be witchcraft.
Your story really touched me. It’s true, friendship heartbreak is real, and sometimes it hits even harder than romantic ones because we never expect the people we deeply connect with to drift away. Your journey with Lee reflects something many of us go through silently… the quiet pain of unreciprocated loyalty.
But I want to remind you of something important that sometimes, we fight for the things that matter to us. We don’t just leave them to fate. Not everything that hurts is meant to be thrown away immediately. Sometimes, it’s meant to be understood, healed, and rebuilt — if there’s still a heartbeat in it😔.
Yes, it’s wise to recognize when someone no longer values your presence, but it’s also courageous to speak up before walking away. We don’t give up just because it gets uncomfortable. We only let go when we’ve tried everything, and nothing is left to hold on to, not even hope.
So whatever you face, don’t let fear of heartbreak keep you from fighting for what you love or who you care about. Fight until there’s truly nothing left to fight for. That way, whether it ends or lasts, you’ll know you gave it your all, and that kind of peace is priceless.
You deserve people who show up not just once in a while, but consistently. But sometimes, they don’t know they’re worth fighting for too until we show them.
I hope I’ve sho
Another angle. Well, I understand your point of view.
While it’s good to speak up and address it, it also depends on if the person is ready to change.
Once I talk out an issue with someone for about two, three times without seeing the changes. I’ll just ignore and move on. Most times, people know what they’re doing.