Bark without Bite

Really disheartening how some words end on the lips — no manifestation, just lip talk.

“My parents did this and that to me while growing up and I can never do it to my children.” “My boss used to treat us like slaves. I’ll treat my apprehentice like my children when I finally become a boss.”

Pain can be compared to faeces that don’t easily disappear after flushing. Pain has this repetition design attached to it. There’s usually a probability you’ll inflict the same pain you undergo on another person.

Ever seen someone transfer aggression? I think that’ll give a perfect example — unleashing your frustration on the next available person. If you’re guilty, say “guilty”. No need to defend yourself if you’re guilty, the shoe fits me too. So, how are you doing, sibling? Hope you’ve started cautioning yourself or it’s still very strong in your body? Try dae caution yourself oooo, na bad behaviour.

Pain… I’ve heard of the abused becoming abusers — some sexually molested kids growing into beast-ful adults. Children who watched their father beat up their mother ending up as wife beater even after vowing never to be like their father. Senior students in school being wicked to their juniors because a senior did the same to them when they were in junior class. Lecturers failing their students because it gives them fulfillment to do what they also experienced as a student.

I’ve also had my own fair share of transferring pain. During NYSC, I served in a school that beating students wasn’t allowed. Few teachers still broke the rule and I was one of them. My reason? “I received babanlaku beating as a student. Why won’t I beat a student for doing something wrong?” Pain is a basterrrrd! I remember how my primary school teacher once wrote out a sentence I made, counted the letters in the sentence, told me to lay on a table and gave me strokes of cane the number of the letters in the said sentence.
Well, thank God it wasn’t long before my brain clicked. I realized the pain I wasn’t fully healed from was the one speaking. That was when I sat down and made conscious effort to heal. I derived other means to correct students and got to know they have their own different ways — everything doesn’t have to be cane. Some need words, some need punishment and some still need cane.

The grace to not transfer pain is… Yeah! Not transferring pain is a grace! And the grace to not transferring it is to heal properly. Healing! You can’t hold the person in your mind and say you’ve healed. No! Forgiveness sometimes is the pathway to healing. It might not be easy to forgive the person but it’s a step at a time. Ask God to help you. Please, heal. And don’t force it. Remember, it’s a step at a time.

Till I’m back to stir the drink, stay gbam!