The Panic of Growing Older

For the first time since I was born, I didn’t celebrate myself on my birthday last year. Didn’t post anything about it and didn’t take myself out like I use to. I was just there — lost in thoughts and blank.

Well, let me make a special shout-out to people who still remembered. Some of my friends and fam, even started reminding me from the beginning of that month. I honestly do not take it for granted — it was a reminder that I had people who truly cared.

And those who went out of their way to gift me? May my eleda (creator) bless you. Even my network provider gave me free birthday data with a time frame of one week validity — when we tell you to use better network, you won’t answer. Aside the once in a blue moon network ish, Glo has been my go-to guy!

Yeah, I was really blank on my birthday. The gifts and wishes added light though. Luckily for me, we had break at my workplace that day. So, I had time to reflect.

The kind of blankness I felt for months isn’t that which equates wiped memory. It’s the type where there’s a whole lot happening in one’s head but that “whole lot” stays in the head.

Unfortunately, I was still trying to take in the whole reality of the age stuff when I found myself in an environment that tested my patience and dealt with my mental health. All of that dabaluwe (yam pepper scatter scatter) eventually ended, and my own 2025 started in June.

I read the poem “The Panic of Growing Older” by Lenrie Peters in secondary school but guy! Just got to understand after how many years. I just want to be a baby! Is that too much to ask for? Growing Older comes with high expectations, that if not careful, could drown one.

This year again, I’ve been blank since I saw my birthday month approaching. Same signs I ignored last year …but you know what they say about mistakes? I’m not allowing a second occurrence of that joy killer — nah!

I recently spoke to my friend, Dave, and his words gave me a tap and mood reset. He reminded me about choosing happiness and acknowledging all I’ve achieved.

I know for sure I can’t be the only one in this shoe. So, my fellow shoe fitters, what are we doing this year? We’re choosing gratitude for life — cos na who dae alive get hope say everything go benzema one day. We’re counting our blessings — big or small, blessing na blessing. We’re finding joy in our little beginning — who dae follow conductor drag change for traffic today fit get private jet tomorrow. We’re documenting our process — our throwback post go later dae distribute hope give people. We’re looking back at our achievement — if e easy, na every living soul go don run am. We’re choosing happiness — cos overthinking no fit solve problem. Take a moment to breathe! Cheers to enjoying the moment, my darling.

Till I’m back to stir the drink, stay gbam!