Complicatedly Broken

Yo fam! Finally back from a suspension I’m still trying to place my hands on. Blogging go whine you, but no panic. Thanks to those who reached out, I honestly do not take it for granted.

Starting the year with “Mind Splash” is a sign that we’re not playing this year. It’s usually sad when I see broken people who aren’t even aware that they’re broken. Today’s drink is centred on one of the offspring of “tough love” — let’s talk about it.

Have you ever met someone whose love language is violence? You show kindness, they see weakness. They interpret care as a trick, hate nice people and don’t believe anyone is genuine.

I know we shout that people should leave abusive relationships but maidia, na okoto meow (nonsense) for some people ear. I’ve heard ladies say “I need a man who disciplines me when I’m wrong”. I’ve seen people who got ditched by ladies for being “soft”. Despite the number of death that’s been recorded from various abusive relationships, some people still see non-abusive relationships as boring.

They tell you men love women who bring them peace but maidia, not all men. We have guys who crave women who can control them, calling it “love”. If you’re not controlling and abusive, they believe you don’t love them enough.

…but here’s the thing: this hunger for “violent love” isn’t in-born, it’s bred. It started from somewhere. A child watches Dad hit Mum, Mum smiles at the child later and says: “Dad beats me because he loves me.” What impression do you expect to be left on the child?

So, let’s just refer to most of these people as victims. Victims repeating what they know, but oblivious of the fact that they’re broken. Not all broken people know they’re cracked.

We also have people who didn’t grow seeing “violent love”, but got adopted into the belief system. Yeah, majorly due to greed and desperation to be loved. Women and men who stay in abusive relationship because the guy or lady showers them with gift and money after every beating episode — a perfect illustration. The type that believe it’s better to cry in big cars than to enjoy under hot sun on bike. While some stay because the “violent love” people have brainwashed them into thinking they do all that cos they love them.

So, which are you? The one who was bred in violent love? The one who got adopted into the belief system? Or let me put it like this — which one have you met? Which one are you condoning?

How then can we help people like this? Calling it what it is — not sugarcoating it to suit their ego.
…but if they’re yet to come to the realization themselves, you can’t help them maidia. If you talk to them about it but they still defend the act, o ti lo far far maidia. The first step to healing is knowing that you need help. It’s after the awareness stage they can then speak to a therapist.

Till I’m back to stir the drink, stay gbam!

(P.S. I once talked about “Tough Love” on Mind Splash on Audiomack. Missed it? DM me for the link through any of the social media handles at the top of this page.)